​​I was on the phone with an event planner a few weeks ago, walking her through what to expect from The Uplift Experience she booked for an upcoming corporate team-building yoga activity in NYC. 

I said, “Icebreakers - or as I call them, ‘Connective Questions,’ - play a big role in the experience, as we customize them for every event’s theme.”
She responded, “Ugh, okay. But can we make sure they're not like, cheesy or cringe? A lot of people really hate icebreakers."

…Fair. (Side note: LOVE East Coasters’ direct communication style.)

I could tell she was speaking from experience. It was clear that she had planned team-building events or virtual meetings where the facilitator had tried to create a moment of fun or play, but it fell flat, making her clients feel awkward.

Two reasons these well-intentioned-but-cringe, canned moments of forced fun failed are likely:

1) The facilitator didn’t consider the full context of the event's intention (not to mention the people in it), so the moment of playfulness felt confusing and lacked relevancy. 

2) The facilitator situated themselves safe and sound behind the 4th wall. So, the moment of play was 2-dimensional rather than 3-dimensional–not fully acknowledging the third entity that was the present moment.

You might be asking, “Why do we need play? Can’t we just talk about the business we need to talk about and get it over with?”

…Also fair. I encourage you, however, to consider that play isn’t necessarily synonymous with “frivolous.” Play is simply a shared moment of time and space within certain confines or “rules.” Or, as Johan Huizinga (author of Homo Ludens) writes:

"Play is an activity which proceeds within certain limits of time and space, in a visible order, according to rules freely accepted, and outside the sphere of necessity or material utility. The play-mood is one of rapture and enthusiasm, and is sacred or festive in accordance with the occasion. A feeling of exaltation and tension accompanies the action."

To apply it to practical use, according to the Harvard Business Review, one theory is that we play because it’s therapeutic. “At work, play has been found to speed up learning, enhance productivity and increase job satisfaction; …as well as enhance bonding and communication…Play is a basic human need as essential to our well-being as sleep, so when we’re low on play, our minds and bodies notice."

Most of us are low on “play” in our lives because we run on autopilot, living within familiar systems and unwittingly following oppressive structures and values of individualism that hold us back from our power…and often from each other.

But, by changing just one aspect of a “rule”, taking one step outside the memorized societal dance in conventional gathering spaces, the system crumbles and we experience ourselves and each other in a whole new way. Whether it’s asking an unexpected question in a meeting or introducing games and stories into a networking event, we branch off into unscripted territory where connection and belonging can occur.

The thing I want you to remember today is that in professional settings, we're not playing just to play; it’s about increasing productivity and enjoying the process. When we infuse play--even just a little--into our virtual meetings, we get over ourselves and plug into a collective narrative that's bigger than the individual, allowing us to be more engaged with the agenda at hand.

Play, when facilitated well, is simply a tool to get us off auto-pilot and into the present moment–the only place where belonging can be sparked.

Here are my top 6 tips to infusing play into your virtual meetings in practical, non-cheesy ways:

1) Gamify Your Intro: This can be as simple as kicking off the meeting by saying, “The last person to balance their pen on their nose needs to give someone a compliment.” Another idea: Ask everyone to put their names, LinkedIn profile URLs and the name of their favorite game to play outside as a kid.” Alternatively, you could create a game in advance. (Ex: Assign someone to kick off your meeting with a 5 min. presentation on why Cadbury chocolate eggs are better than Peeps.) *Check out a few more ideas.

2) Recurring Game: Three basic principles in Taoism are:
1. Nature has pattern
2. Pattern repeats
3. Through repetition we find insight.

As in Taoism, so in virtual Zoom meetings. Establish 1-2 recurring games at the top of your virtual meeting to engage employees throughout. Ex: Ask your virtual team to count how many times you say the word ‘budget’ in your presentation, and say, “The winner gets a coffee on me.” Which brings us to tip #3, the importance of establishing “stakes” in play.

3) Have Winners and Losers: Competition turns “cringe” play into “engaging” play. Human nature is inherently drawn to competition for a myriad of reasons deeply rooted in our evolutionary history and psychological makeup. Engaging in competitive activities fosters a sense of identity and belonging within social groups, as individuals work together towards common goals and share experiences. The camaraderie and solidarity that emerge from collective competition can strengthen social bonds and deepen interpersonal connections. In other words, competition with clear “stakes” gives play a purpose.

4) Avoid Open Ended Questions: Here is an example of an open-ended question: “How is everyone doing today?” Instead, try speaking directly to individuals. Ask, “Sabrina, what’s the best thing that happened to you today so far?” At first glance, this might seem exclusionary, but in fact, this tactic not only strengthens your bond with Sabrina, ensuring that she will remain engaged throughout the meeting, but the rest of the attendees will then ask themselves, “Hmm, that’s an interesting question. What’s the best thing that has happened to ME today so far?” …Because we’re human and we’re always thinking about ourselves. #nojudgment

5) Set Up Conditions for Participation: Accountability is the opposite of entitlement. When you give individual participants in your virtual meetings moments of choice, you are setting up the conditions for your team to feel empowered and self-responsible over their own experience. In turn, they will no longer feel entitled to have you make them happy. An easy way to do this might be to kindly ask an individual to choose a song for you to play while folks are coming back from their virtual breakout rooms. Ask, “Mark, what’s your favorite song from the 80s?” This will elicit a moment of laughter and suspense for the group; they’ll excitedly await Mark’s response, and of course begin thinking about their own favorite songs from the 80s (because, ahem, we mostly think about ourselves, again, #nojudgment.) Not only will this technique help individuals feel seen, heard and accountable, but by tapping into memories (like the 80s), we tap into nostalgia, another great tool to spark belonging. 

6) Bring It Full Circle: Play is most productive when woven into a story with a clear beginning, middle and end. Remember, we’re playing with a purpose. Let the resolution of your meeting bring people back to the reason you’re all there. For example, during my Uplift Experiences, a motif throughout is the idea of “filling our cups” (...literally and figuratively) so that we can leave the experience empowered to uplift others. So, at the beginning of the glass, I ask my participants to set their personal intention into their full cup so that as they sip throughout the class they’re getting closer and closer to manifesting their joy. And at end of the class, I instruct them to refill their cups with a beverage that makes them happy and cheers someone they haven’t met before, giving them a compliment. #upliftothers